Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
