somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
