Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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