so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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