he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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