totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
honey bunches of taint.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
