my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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