So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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