My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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