you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
