My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You took a bar mat shot.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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