I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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