I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
