maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
