The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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