Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
