i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
