My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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