i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
