nutella sex= disaster
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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