I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
