living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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