i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
