She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
