I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
