I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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