weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just google imaged poop.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
