Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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