I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm at about main and main street
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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