She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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