I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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