Me. At least after what I've been through.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
