think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
