The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
