I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Randomize
