She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
