Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
