Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hippo gnu deer
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
