i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
