So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
