I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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