I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
