i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
