all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
