Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
