Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
