Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You ruined the universe
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