Soap is not a condiment
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
