this beer tastes like vomit already
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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