some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
