Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
