Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
