took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
it was like eating out sand paper
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
