the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
