hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
